[Feed](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Bookshelf](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/books/) [Membership](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/membership/) [How it Works](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/how-it-works/) [Bookshop](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/books/bindery/) [Publishing](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/publishing/) [Team](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/team/) [Contact](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/contact/) Log in or Sign up Recent Posts all 705 exclusive 81 * * * [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Jun 30](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Therapist x Bellesa collab talking about spicy books and empowerment](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/0Bk0H5BSlt9S16IxaIfH/) Spicy books helped me ask better questions about desire, shame, and coming home to myself. #booktok #spicybooktok #romancereader #bbpartner #queerbooktok * * * [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Jun 15](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [I want to start with an apology. I haven’t been as present here as I wanted to be. The last few months have been heavy in ways that are difficult to summarize: personal struggles, challenges at home, and a depression that has made even ordinary things feel harder than they should. Writing has often happened in fragments, between moments of exhaustion and survival. But even when I’ve been quiet, I’ve been thinking. One idea in particular has refused to leave me alone, circling back again and again until it demanded to be written down.\\ \\ The timeline planned for our lives was never neutral. Western society teaches adulthood as a sequence: date, partner, marry, buy property, have children, advance at work, stay productive, stay healthy, stay cisgender, stay grateful, and never fall behind. But the shame people carry about being “behind” is not a personal failure. It is social before it becomes personal. People feel behind because they have been measured against a life script built for straight, cisgender, able-bodied, financially stable people with access to safety, whiteness, property, institutional approval, and uninterrupted selfhood.\\ \\ Compulsory heterosexuality, heteronormativity, ciscentrism, ableism, productivism, and white supremacy work together to create the “approved” adult: straight or straight-passing, cisgender or cis-passing, partnered, productive, financially independent, able-bodied or performing able-bodiedness, and respectable under white social norms. But not everyone started with the same safety, body, resources, rights, family support, racial access, healthcare, or freedom to know themselves. Some people spent years surviving. Some people did not have language for their gender or desire until adulthood. Some people had to choose safety before authenticity. Some people are not late. They were delayed by systems that benefited from their silence. The life script says there is one correct path into adulthood, but what if the path was built to exclude us?\\ \\ I’m publishing an expanded five-part series on the paid tier for those who want the full exploration, but I wanted to share the heart of it here too.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/YloKnMC1HrAKDibIgJvK/) [Unlearning the Life Script](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/YloKnMC1HrAKDibIgJvK/) * * * 3 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Jun 15](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [**Compulsory heterosexuality, ciscentrism, ableism, white supremacy, productivism, and the lie of the “correct” life timeline.**\\ \\ The timeline planned for our lives was never neutral.\\ \\ By thirty, you are supposed to know.\\ \\ By thirty-five, you are supposed to have chosen.\\ \\ By forty, you are supposed to have evidence.\\ \\ A spouse. A mortgage. Children, or at least a clear answer about children. Career growth. Financial stability. A body that works on command. A gender other people find easy to categorize. A relationship structure other people recognize. A life that looks successful from the outside.\\ \\ Western society is obsessed with the idea that adulthood should arrive on schedule. We are taught that life has a sequence, and every respectable adult should move through that sequence at the expected pace.\\ \\ Grow up.\\ \\ Date.\\ \\ Partner.\\ \\ Marry.\\ \\ Buy property.\\ \\ Have children.\\ \\ Advance at work.\\ \\ Stay productive.\\ \\ Stay healthy.\\ \\ Stay attractive.\\ \\ Stay cisgender.\\ \\ Stay grateful.\\ \\ Do not fall behind.\\ \\ You are not behind.\\ \\ You are queer. Trans. Nonbinary. Disabled. Neurodivergent. Poor. Grieving. Deconstructing. Healing. Racialized. Caregiving. Divorced. Estranged. Starting over. Coming out late. Changing your names. Relearning desire. Rebuilding after trauma. Choosing a life that doesn't look like the one they were handed.\\ \\ The shame people carry about being “behind” is often treated as a personal self-esteem issue. It is framed as insecurity, comparison, low confidence, or lack of motivation.\\ \\ But shame is social before it becomes personal.\\ \\ People feel behind because they have been measured against a life script built for straight, cisgender, able-bodied, financially stable people with access to safety, whiteness, property, institutional approval, and uninterrupted selfhood.\\ \\ That timeline was never neutral.\\ \\ It was built from multiple systems working together.\\ \\ Compulsory heterosexuality teaches people to treat heterosexuality as the default path, whether or not it reflects their actual desire. It trains people to confuse approval with attraction, safety with love, and compliance with identity.\\ \\ Heteronormativity treats cisgender heterosexual couplehood as the expected center of adult life. It assumes that dating, sex, romance, marriage, parenting, and family should follow a straight, gendered script.\\ \\ Ciscentrism treats cisgender identity as the norm and trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, and gender-expansive identities as deviations from the expected path. It assumes everyone will identify with the gender assigned to them at birth, move through life under that label, and become an adult in a way others read as properly masculine or feminine.\\ \\ Compulsory able-bodiedness treats able-bodiedness as the expected and preferred state. It assumes the adult body should work consistently, produce consistently, recover quickly, and avoid needing too much care, rest, adaptation, or accommodation.\\ \\ Compulsory productivism teaches that worth depends on output. You prove adulthood through labor, efficiency, career progress, financial independence, discipline, and constant improvement. Rest becomes suspicious. Disability becomes failure. Care needs become burdens. A nonlinear life becomes a moral problem.\\ \\ White supremacy shapes the script by deciding which lives are treated as respectable, mature, safe, desirable, professional, moral, and worthy of protection. It has long organized family, gender, labor, property, sexuality, and citizenship around whiteness as the standard. It rewards proximity to white, middle-class, Christian, cisheteronormative respectability. It punishes people whose families, bodies, cultures, kinship structures, labor, gender expressions, and survival strategies fall outside that standard.\\ \\ These systems do not operate separately.\\ \\ They braid together.\\ \\ Heteronormativity tells you what kind of relationship makes you legitimate.\\ \\ Compulsory heterosexuality tells you what kind of desire is acceptable.\\ \\ Ciscentrism tells you what kind of gender makes you believable.\\ \\ Compulsory able-bodiedness tells you what kind of body deserves respect.\\ \\ Compulsory productivism tells you what kind of pace makes you valuable.\\ \\ White supremacy tells you whose adulthood is recognized as civilized, responsible, beautiful, safe, and worthy.\\ \\ Together, they create the approved adult.\\ \\ Straight or straight-passing.\\ \\ Cisgender or cis-passing.\\ \\ Monogamously partnered.\\ \\ Married or marriage-bound.\\ \\ Parenting or planning to parent.\\ \\ Employed in a recognizable way.\\ \\ Financially independent.\\ \\ Able-bodied or performing able-bodiedness.\\ \\ Gender-conforming enough to avoid discomfort.\\ \\ Respectable under white social norms.\\ \\ Always progressing.\\ \\ The timeline is not a neutral checklist.\\ \\ It is a sorting system.\\ \\ It tells people whether their bodies, relationships, genders, families, desires, homes, work, and pace count as adult.\\ \\ And when people do not fit, the system rarely questions itself.\\ \\ It asks the person, “Why are you not there yet?”\\ \\ That question assumes everyone started from the same place, with the same body, safety, resources, rights, identity freedom, racial access, family support, and self-knowledge.\\ \\ They did not.\\ \\ Some people spent years surviving homes, churches, schools, medical systems, workplaces, and communities that taught them to disappear.\\ \\ Some people did not have language for their gender until adulthood.\\ \\ Some people did not know their desire because desire had been buried under fear, doctrine, violence, or expectation.\\ \\ Some people had to choose safety before authenticity.\\ \\ Some people had to care for others before they had space to know themselves.\\ \\ Some people were never given the option of being soft, rested, protected, believed, or free.\\ \\ Some people’s bodies changed the plan.\\ \\ Some people’s families rejected them.\\ \\ Some people never had generational wealth, housing stability, healthcare access, or a safety net.\\ \\ Some people are not late.\\ \\ They were delayed by systems that benefited from their silence.\\ \\ The life script says there is one correct path into adulthood.\\ \\ But what if the path was built to exclude us?\\ \\ What if the shame was never proof of failure?\\ \\ What if the panic of being behind is what happens when a person starts to wake up inside a timeline that was never designed for their life?\\ \\ This ended up being a really long essay when I was writing it so I'm breaking it up into five parts, yes five, I have a lot to say, so stay tuned for part two.\\ \\ There will also be conversations about books in here at some point, because obviously.\\ \\ Upgrade for $5 or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/5E9EmxKSETFk9HYWVT0Y/) [We Were Never Behind. We Were Measured by the Wrong Map.](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/5E9EmxKSETFk9HYWVT0Y/) * * * [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • May 7](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Watching queer and trans rights get stripped away in real time while companies slap rainbows on products every June feels impossible to ignore now.\\ \\ Across the US, lawmakers have introduced hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills in recent years, many targeting trans people directly through healthcare bans, ID restrictions, education censorship, bathroom laws, sports bans, and efforts to erase legal recognition of trans existence. The ACLU tracked hundreds of anti-LGBTQ bills in state legislatures, many specifically targeting trans people.\\ \\ This isn't an abstract policy debate. These laws impact access to healthcare, employment, housing, education, safety, and public life. Researchers, legal scholars, and genocide prevention experts have publicly raised alarms about the pattern and scale of these coordinated attacks.\\ \\ The Lemkin Institute for Genocide Prevention issued multiple “Red Flag Alerts” warning about what they describe as an escalating genocidal process against trans people in the United States. Former presidents of the International Association of Genocide Scholars have also publicly warned that the rhetoric and legislation targeting trans people match early stages of genocidal processes historically seen before mass atrocity crimes. \\ \\ Even legal scholars who debate whether the current moment fits the strict international legal definition of genocide still describe the harm, erasure, and targeted legislation against trans people as severe and systematic. \\ \\ So yeah, people are angry.\\ \\ While queer and trans people are fighting for basic safety, dignity, healthcare, and survival, some companies still decide Pride Month is the perfect time to platform authors who openly align themselves with administrations and public figures actively fueling anti-queer and anti-trans rhetoric.\\ \\ You do not get to profit from queer readers during Pride while uplifting people who publicly support the political machine working to erase us.\\ \\ And dedicating a book to a public figure who has openly and vocally spread hatred toward queer and trans communities is not “neutral.” It is a choice. Public support is political. Dedications are intentional. Silence is intentional, too.\\ \\ And I hear a certain company is deleting comments.\\ \\ Book spaces love to talk about community until accountability enters the room.\\ \\ Queer and trans readers are not overreacting for refusing to financially support people who celebrate those helping dismantle our rights. We are responding rationally to a climate where lawmakers debate our existence daily, while violence against trans people continues rising, and access to care disappears state by state.\\ \\ Pride started as resistance. Not branding. Not rainbow capitalism. Not “both sides.”\\ \\ If your business wants queer money, queer trust, and queer community support, people are going to ask where you stand when queer and trans lives are under attack.\\ \\ Instead, let's go ahead and support businesses who make it known that they align with our identities. Bindery for one, and I'm truly not biased, it has been a joy to see so many queer books published, and majority sapphic too!\\ \\ There are so many other book boxes out there doing the work year round to demonstrate their allyship.](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/o0Ln3uU8VPh2ybef8Do9/) [A decision to platform a MAGA author during Pride](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/o0Ln3uU8VPh2ybef8Do9/) * * * 6 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • May 5](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [In my last post, I came to the defense of romance novels with research about how beneficial they are for relationship health based on what we can learn from them. I find that on tikotk the conversation about romance novels often starts in the wrong place.\\ \\ It starts with a claim that these books are harmful. That they create unrealistic expectations. They they are damaging relationships.\\ \\ That framing keeps the focus narrow. It treats readers as passive recipients of influence instead of active participants in meaning-making. It also misses what’s happening on a deeper level.\\ \\ Romance is not only entertainment. It is a space where people practice identity.\\ \\ People often rehearse parts of themselves in fiction before they claim them in real life. I talk about this often in my practice. Literature, especially romance books are a place where people can explore identity from a distance. Clients will describe a character, a dynamic, or a storyline with curiosity. They will explain what they love, what they want, what feels safe or unsafe. They often do this long before they can speak about those same needs directly.\\ \\ That distance from reality matters.\\ \\ Fiction provides a layer of separation that reduces risk. When something is framed as a story, you aren’t required to take ownership of it. You can engage, react, and reflect without feeling exposed. This creates a low-pressure environment for exploration, especially in areas shaped by shame, silence, or rigid expectations.\\ \\ Romance, in particular, offers a structured space to explore gender roles, power, and desire.\\ \\ Within the boundaries of a story, you can examine what it feels like to want something without having to act on it. You can observe different expressions of intimacy, communication, and conflict. You can witness power dynamics play out in ways that are negotiated, challenged, or redefined. You can see what mutual desire looks like when it is explicitly acknowledged.\\ \\ These experiences don’t remain within the pages of books.\\ \\ They create reference points.\\ \\ When someone reads a scene where boundaries are respected, where communication is direct, or where desire is treated as valid, they are not only following a plot. They are absorbing a model. That model becomes something they can compare against their own experiences.\\ \\ For individuals who were raised in environments that limited or distorted conversations about desire, this kind of exposure is significant. Many people were not given language for what they feel. They were taught what was acceptable, what was expected, and what should be avoided. Romance introduces variation. It presents alternatives.\\ \\ This is where fantasy plays a critical role.\\ \\ Fantasy creates distance from shame. It allows readers to engage with desire without immediately attaching judgment to it. Instead of asking “is this allowed,” the question shifts to “does this resonate.”\\ \\ That shift changes the entire process.\\ \\ Resonance invites curiosity. It encourages readers to notice their reactions rather than suppress them. Over time, this builds awareness. Patterns begin to emerge. Certain dynamics feel compelling, and others feel uncomfortable. Some interactions create a sense of safety, while others don’t.\\ \\ This isn’t random.\\ \\ It reflects internal values, needs, and boundaries that may not yet be fully articulated. Romance becomes a tool for identifying those patterns.\\ \\ For marginalized readers, this function becomes even more critical.\\ \\ Traditional narratives have historically centered a narrow definition of desirability. Whiteness, thinness, cisgender identity, and heteronormativity have often been positioned as the default. Within those constraints, many readers have not seen themselves reflected as the subject of desire or as central to a romantic narrative.\\ \\ When readers encounter stories that center identities like their own, the impact extends beyond representation.\\ \\ They are seeing themselves placed in roles that affirm their worth. They are witnessing characters who are desired, who have agency, and who navigate relationships on their own terms. This challenges internalized beliefs about who is allowed to be seen, wanted, and prioritized.\\ \\ It also expands possibility.\\ \\ If you have never seen a dynamic modeled, it’s difficult to imagine it as an option for your own life. Romance provides those models. It shows a range of relational structures, communication styles, and expressions of intimacy that may not have been available in a reader’s immediate environment.\\ \\ This isn’t about replacing reality with fiction.\\ \\ It is about creating a space where new ideas can be considered without immediate consequence.\\ \\ The process is gradual. A reader notices what draws them in. They begin to understand why certain dynamics resonate. They develop language for their preferences, boundaries, and desires. Over time, this awareness can translate into real-life communication and decision-making.\\ \\ In this way, romance supports identity formation.\\ \\ It offers a space where exploration is possible without pressure. It allows readers to engage with complex aspects of themselves in a way that feels contained and manageable. It provides examples that can be evaluated, accepted, or rejected.\\ \\ The value lies in that process of engagement.\\ \\ When readers approach romance with attention and reflection, they aren’t consuming passively. They are interacting with the material. They are gathering information about themselves. They are testing ideas in a context that allows for flexibility and change.\\ \\ This is particularly relevant in conversations about desire.\\ \\ Desire is often framed as something that needs to be controlled or corrected. In many cultural contexts, it is associated with risk, judgment, or moral evaluation. Romance shifts that framing. It treats desire as something that can be explored, understood, and communicated.\\ \\ That shift has implications.\\ \\ When people have access to language and models for their experiences, they are better equipped to navigate relationships. They can identify what they want. They can articulate boundaries. They can recognize when something feels misaligned.\\ \\ These are foundational skills for relational health.\\ \\ They are’nt developed in isolation. They are shaped by the narratives people engage with, the examples they observe, and the spaces where they feel safe enough to reflect.\\ \\ Romance, at its best, contributes to that process.\\ \\ It creates a space where readers can encounter parts of themselves indirectly. It allows them to engage with those parts without immediate pressure to define or defend them. It supports a movement from reaction to recognition.\\ \\ A useful place to begin is with a simple question.\\ \\ What parts of yourself did you meet in fiction before you could name them out loud?\\ \\ Tell me in the comments! I'll start, one of the first times I saw a nonbinary character on page was in I Kissed Shara Wheeler. There was a secondary character asking a tertiary character how they knew they were nonbinary, and as that character described the experience of knowing it, it felt like they were telling my story. I just knew, yes, that's me. And I suddenly had language I previously did not.\\ \\ Upgrade for $5 or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/xaeOFPWRa6GSLh48zRA4/) [Romance as a tool for learning](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/xaeOFPWRa6GSLh48zRA4/) * * * 1 book [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 29](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [This isn't even remotely related to bookish content, but it's been on my mind and ties in with yesterday's post. Being upset about an interaction that didn't go the way you wanted is valid; however, we rarely, if ever, have all the facts about an interaction, because we cannot know everyone's perspective. \\ \\ So we have this interaction, feel something, and our brain tells us it _must_ be true. That belief drives much of our emotional suffering.\\ \\ From a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy lens, there's an important distinction that changes how we relate to our internal world.\\ \\ **All emotions are valid. Not all emotions are accurate.**\\ \\ This difference matters because it shapes how we respond to ourselves in moments of distress. If we treat every emotion as proof of reality, we react to our thoughts as facts. And one thing I always tell my clients: "Thoughts aren't facts."\\ \\ If we dismiss our emotions, we lose useful information about our needs and patterns. CBT offers a middle path. We take our emotions seriously without assuming they're telling us the full truth.\\ \\ Let's start with what validity means.\\ \\ An emotion is valid when it makes sense based on our internal experience. Our brain processes a situation, generates a thought, and produces a feeling. That sequence happens quickly and often outside of awareness. The feeling that follows isn't random. It's a direct response to how we interpreted what happened. Our perception of events.\\ \\ If we feel anxious after someone doesn't respond to a message, that anxiety is valid. Our mind may have linked the silence to rejection. If we feel shame after making a mistake, that shame is valid. Our mind may have linked the mistake to our sense of worth.\\ \\ Validation does not mean agreement. It means acknowledging that our emotional response has a cause.\\ \\ Accuracy is a separate question.\\ \\ An emotion is accurate when the thought driving it reflects the **full context** of the situation. In CBT, thoughts are evaluated for distortions. These include mind reading, catastrophizing, overgeneralizing, personalization, and more. When a thought is distorted, the emotion that follows feels intense and convincing, but it may not match reality.\\ \\ Here's an example of a common experience we have.\\ \\ You send a message and don't get a reply.\\ \\ Your automatic thought might be, “They are ignoring me. I did something wrong.”\\ \\ The emotion that follows is anxiety or rejection.\\ \\ That emotion is valid. It follows the thought.\\ \\ Now examine the thought.\\ \\ What evidence supports the idea that you're being ignored?\\ \\ What evidence suggests other explanations?\\ \\ Have there been times when this person responded late for neutral reasons?\\ \\ When you step back, you often see that you don't have enough information to confirm the original belief.\\ \\ You try a reframe.\\ \\ “They might be busy. I don't know why they haven't responded yet.”\\ \\ The emotional shift is immediate. Anxiety decreases. Curiosity or mild concern replaces it.\\ \\ The first emotion was valid. The second emotional response is more accurate because the thought aligns better with available evidence.\\ \\ This is the core of perspective taking.\\ \\ Perspective-taking expands the frame beyond our initial interpretation. It asks us to consider multiple explanations, not only the one that feels most emotionally charged. This doesn't invalidate our experience. It updates it.\\ \\ Another example shows how this plays out with self-evaluation.\\ \\ You make a mistake at work.\\ \\ Your automatic thought is, “I'm incompetent.”\\ \\ The emotion is shame.\\ \\ That shame is valid. It reflects the meaning you assigned to the mistake.\\ \\ Now challenge the thought.\\ \\ Does one mistake define your overall ability?\\ \\ What is the actual impact of this error?\\ \\ What would you say to a colleague in the same situation?\\ \\ A more balanced thought might be, “I made a mistake. I can correct it and learn from it.”\\ \\ The emotional response shifts to disappointment or accountability. These emotions are still uncomfortable, but they're proportionate to the situation and more useful for problem-solving.\\ \\ The distinction between valid and accurate emotions becomes especially important in relationships.\\ \\ When someone cancels plans, we might feel hurt and think, “They don't care about me.” The hurt is valid, but the conclusion may not be accurate. Without examining the thought, we risk reacting in a way that damages the relationship. With perspective-taking, we create space to respond rather than react.\\ \\ This approach changes how we treat ourselves.\\ \\ Instead of saying, “I shouldn't feel this way,” we say, “It makes sense that I feel this way, given what I'm telling myself.” That reduces shame around the emotion. Then we ask, “Is my thought the only explanation, or the most accurate one?” That invites flexibility.\\ \\ The goal is not to eliminate emotion. The goal is to align our emotional responses with reality as closely as possible.\\ \\ In practice, this means slowing the process down.\\ \\ Identify the situation.\\ \\ Notice the thought that came up.\\ \\ Name the emotion that followed.\\ \\ Then examine the thought.\\ \\ What am I assuming?\\ \\ What evidence supports this?\\ \\ What evidence does not?\\ \\ What are alternative explanations?\\ \\ When the thought shifts, the emotional experience shifts with it. This is not about forcing yourself to feel better. It is about responding to a more complete picture.\\ \\ You don't have to choose between honoring your emotions and staying grounded in reality. You can do both.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/kLzzRASWdjmlEKuBp8Lo/) [Valid vs Accurate Emotions](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/kLzzRASWdjmlEKuBp8Lo/) * * * 7 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 28](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [I've been thinking about what happened at Book Con with Tracy Deonn and how that correlates to what happened last summer at Sinners and Stardust in Boston. These two things have one thing in common that is both simple and complex. Parasocial relationships. As we ramp up book convention season here are some things to think about.\\ \\ When a reader walks into a convention space, their behavior often shifts faster than they expect or realize. Social psychology explains this phenomenon well. Environments shape norms. Norms shape behavior.\\ \\ Researchers like Philip Zimbardo showed how quickly people adjust to roles based on context. In convention settings, the cues are clear. Costumes, fandom language, themed spaces, and shared identity all signal that this is not everyday life. The result is a temporary suspension of usual social boundaries. This is often called deindividuation, a concept studied by psychologist Leon Festinger. I have been to many conventions in the last five years, and I have witnessed this time and again, and I have started to call it convention liberation. When people feel less tied to their individual identity, they rely more on group norms. At conventions, the group norm leans toward openness, intensity, and emotional expression.\\ \\ That shift can feel freeing. Many attendees report a sense of permission. They speak more openly, flirt more directly, and express admiration with fewer filters. Sociologist Erving Goffman described social life as a performance. Conventions function like a stage where the “front stage” rules change. You are no longer bound to your usual script.\\ \\ At the same time, another process is happening. Parasocial relationships are activated and intensified. The term was first defined by Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl. These are one-sided relationships in which a person feels emotional closeness toward a public figure who does not know them. Media exposure builds familiarity. Repeated exposure builds perceived intimacy. As a reader, many of these authors share tidbits about their lives with their readers online, and coupled with reading their books, which gives the reader what feels like a peek into the soul of the author, this gives the reader the sense that they deeply know these authors.\\ \\ At a convention, that perceived intimacy meets physical proximity.\\ \\ That combination creates a mismatch. The attendee feels like they are meeting someone they already know. The person behind the table is meeting a stranger while trying to do their job. This gap drives a sense of entitlement. Research on parasocial bonds shows that people often overestimate reciprocity. They expect warmth, time, emotional engagement, or even physical closeness because the relationship feels real on their side.\\ \\ You see this in behavior. People interrupt conversations. They push for personal details. They expect extended interactions beyond what the setting allows. Some cross physical boundaries, as we saw at Sinner and Stardust. Others treat access as a right rather than a limited resource.\\ \\ There is also a structural factor. Conventions blur lines between access and labor. Writers, actors, and artists are marketed as approachable. The setting encourages connection. Yet these individuals are working. They are managing time, energy, and often large crowds. The labor includes emotional regulation. They are expected to be kind, engaged, and responsive even when faced with invasive behavior. They often have to perform overly exaggerated positivity, which can be tremendously draining. \\ \\ This creates a tension between two sets of norms. Attendees operate under a temporary norm of liberation. Workers operate under professional norms and constraints.\\ \\ The result is predictable. Boundary violations increase in environments where norms are unclear or shifting. Studies on norm ambiguity show that when expectations are not explicit, people rely on internal desires or group cues. At conventions, those cues often prioritize enthusiasm over restraint.\\ \\ Clear boundaries reduce this problem. When expectations are stated and enforced, behavior shifts quickly. People follow norms when they are visible and reinforced. This aligns with decades of research on social conformity.\\ \\ So what is happening is not random. It is patterned.\\ \\ A high stimulation environment lowers inhibition. Group identity increases emotional expression. Parasocial bonds create a sense of closeness. Structural ambiguity around roles creates entitlement.\\ \\ All of these factors converge in one space. The result feels like freedom for some people. For others, especially those working the event, it feels like constant boundary management.\\ \\ Understanding this helps reframe the issue. The behavior is not about individual morality alone. It is about context shaping perception, expectation, and action.\\ \\ If you want that moment to feel meaningful without crossing a line, focus on intention and respect.\\ \\ Pause before you step up. Remind yourself this is a brief, shared interaction, not a personal relationship. That small mental reset changes how you show up.\\ \\ Keep your words specific and contained. Share one sentence about what their work meant to you. For example, “Your book helped me feel less alone during a hard time.” That lands. It doesn't require a long response or emotional labor.\\ \\ Watch for cues. If the line is moving, keep it moving. If the person shifts their body, looks to the next attendee, or shortens responses, that is your signal to wrap up.\\ \\ Ask before you extend the interaction. A quick “Is it okay if I ask one more thing?” gives them control. If they hesitate, let it go.\\ \\ Respect physical space. Do not assume touch is welcome. A simple “Can I get a photo?” or “Is a hug okay?” keeps consent clear.\\ \\ Avoid personal or intrusive questions. You are there to appreciate their work, not access their private life.\\ \\ Decide your boundary ahead of time. Go in knowing you will keep it brief, kind, and grounded. \\ \\ **Meaning does not come from how long the interaction lasts. It comes from clarity, respect, and presence in a short moment.**\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/xGi3IEkn9Ng7PKrXHxBH/) [Parasocial Relationships and Authors](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/xGi3IEkn9Ng7PKrXHxBH/) * * * 5 [2](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/xGi3IEkn9Ng7PKrXHxBH/#comments) [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 21](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [When I lived in Alaska, I became a foster parent. I had not planned for it. A colleague said, “you have an extra bedroom and room in your heart, what are you waiting for?” Soon after, I met my first foster daughter at a shelter for unhoused youth. That moment shifted the direction of my life. I cared for seven daughters over the next few years. I also had to confront how little I had done to challenge my own thinking. I learned there is a huge difference between knowing racism is wrong and doing the ongoing work of antiracism.\\ \\ One moment still sits with me. I was in a meeting, speaking, and a Tlingit grandmother told me to stop. She said, “we don’t need the opinion of a white woman. If we want to hear from you, we will ask.” I felt the discomfort immediately. But I also knew I needed to listen.\\ \\ That moment forced me to face a gap between what I believed about myself and how I was showing up. I had named social justice as a value. As a social worker, I knew it sat at the core of the National Association of Social Workers Code of Ethics. Still, I had not done the deeper work. I had not examined how white supremacy shaped my assumptions, my reactions, and my sense of authority.\\ \\ I started reading with intention. I learned about what colonizers did to the Tlingit people and Haida people. I read Black scholars and applied those frameworks to my work with Indigenous youth and families. I began to understand that antiracism is not about holding the right beliefs. It is about changing how you think, how you listen, and how you act.\\ \\ That work requires unlearning. It requires decolonizing your thinking. White supremacy teaches you to center yourself, to assume expertise, to move quickly, to speak first. Decolonizing asks you to pause, to listen, to question where your thoughts come from, and to notice when you are reinforcing harm.\\ \\ This is daily work. It does not end after reading one book. It does not hold steady when you are tired. Burnout makes it easier to slip back into default thinking. For me, that default comes from being raised white in a system built on white supremacy. I have to interrupt that pattern over and over again.\\ \\ Reading plays a role in that interruption. Not as a checklist. Not as a way to feel accomplished. Reading diversely is part of antiracism because stories shape how you see the world. If most of what you read centers cisgender, heterosexual, white characters, those narratives start to feel neutral and universal. They are not. They are limited.\\ \\ When you read stories by Indigenous authors, by Black authors, by queer authors, you shift what feels familiar. You build a different baseline. You begin to notice whose voices are missing and whose stories are treated as optional. You start to question why.\\ \\ Reading diversely is not about exposure. It is about accountability. It is about refusing to let white supremacy define your imagination. It is about choosing to engage with perspectives that challenge your assumptions and expand your understanding of community, identity, and power.\\ \\ For me, that shift changed how I show up in my work and in my life. It continues to change me.\\ \\ Knowing that backstory, I’m always on the hunt for sapphic Indigenous romances and I found one, and it not only didn’t disappoint, I was blown away by how beautiful it was!\\ \\ The Ways We Converge by Collins Fox is a book settles into you and stays there.\\ \\ Synopsis: Juniper Banks has spent the last decade running her mom’s powwow food truck—a life far from the dreams she once had. But while serving frybread and iced tea, she’s quietly built something her Tribe’s thriving food sovereignty program. Now, with an official budget and a coveted office in the new Tribal administrative building, she’s ready to reclaim her narrative and help shape her community’s future.\\ \\ Rowan Birdsong, a rising star in environmental law, never thought she’d return to the Reservation she once called home. But when her father’s health declines, Rowan steps away from her high-profile career to work as a Tribal advisor and take care of him. The last thing she expects is to cross paths with her first love—Juniper. Or maybe, deep down, it’s exactly who she hopes to see.\\ \\ It’s been fifteen years since Rowan left Juniper behind, shattering their bond without explanation. Now, fate thrusts them together once more to collaborate on expanding the Tribal gardens Juniper worked so hard to establish. Juniper is furious—why is Rowan back now, and why does she have to ruin her carefully constructed plans for redemption?\\ \\ At first, Juniper resolves to keep their partnership strictly professional. But as old tensions flare into fresh sparks and the truth behind Rowan’s sudden departure begins to surface, both women must decide whether they can rewrite their past—and if their paths are destined to converge after all.\\ \\ _The Ways We Converge_ is a second-chance, forced-proximity sapphic romance featuring two Indigenous leads, with plus-size and gender non-conforming representation, climate justice, food sovereignty, powwow food truck chaos, and nerds… who really like to bang (a lot, everywhere).\\ \\ My Thoughts:\\ \\ The first thing that stands out to me was how deeply Indigenous culture shaped every part of the story. The reader got community, responsibility, history, and daily life woven into each scene. Juniper’s work with food sovereignty grounds the narrative in something real and urgent. You see how food connects to land, identity, and survival. The story treated that connection with care and precision.\\ \\ Sapphic romance rarely centers Indigenous characters, and here it was not a side note. It drove the plot. It shaped the tension. It informed how Juniper and Rowan moved through the world and how they moved toward each other. You felt the weight of being seen in a genre that often overlooks this perspective.\\ \\ The environmental thread adds another layer. The focus on land stewardship and climate justice didn’t feel like a lesson. It felt lived in. The work Juniper builds and the work Rowan returns to support was central to their identities. Their professional collaboration created a layer of friction that pushed the romance forward instead of slowing it down.\\ \\ There was also a powerful throughline around hair and mourning. The story spoke to the cultural significance of hair for Indigenous people and the act of cutting it as a response to grief. Rowan’s relationship to her hair mirrored her relationship to herself. She was mourning the version of herself who did not feel worthy, who could not love who she was. Leaving the Reservation became part of that process. She had to step away to understand herself, and that journey added depth to her return and to the choices she made in the present.\\ \\ It had been 15 years since Juniper and Rowan had last seen each other, and the second chance arc hits with jus the right level of animosity and trepidation. There was a lot of hurt to work through from Rowan leaving so abruptly.\\ \\ When the truth behind Rowan’s departure starts to unfold, the emotional payoff lands because the story took time to build it. And girl does the romance deliver. The tension, the intensity and these ladies LOVE to bang. More importantly, the spice matches the emotional depth instead of overpowring it. You get connection, desire, and vulnerability all working together.\\ \\ This is a five star read I’ll think about for a long time. \\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/uvdPR3gMYjZgDl6Rhip5/) [5 star Indigenous lesbian romance!](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/uvdPR3gMYjZgDl6Rhip5/) * * * 1 book 2 [3](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/uvdPR3gMYjZgDl6Rhip5/#comments) [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 9](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) \\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/H3uiPDMDejRPhWNi8q4n/) [Porn Positive Movement lol](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/H3uiPDMDejRPhWNi8q4n/) #stitch #creatorinsights #books #romancebooks #romancebooktok * * * [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 8](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Every few months, a new conservative book influencer circulates the claim that romance novels, especially the “spicy” ones, are to blame for unrealistic expectations, dissatisfaction, and even the slow erosion of real relationships.\\ \\ It sounds convincing. They pull information for a study here and a doctor there. They show a book in their post that looks like a valuable resource. But … it also falls apart under scrutiny.\\ \\ There is no strong body of empirical research showing that reading erotic or sexually explicit romance harms relationships, and there is no strong body of evidence to show that pornography is an actual addiction. What does exist tells a different story, one grounded in therapy, sexual health research, and decades of work in bibliotherapy.\\ \\ The panic says one thing, but the evidence says another.\\ \\ **There Is No Evidence That Romance Novels Damage Relationships**\\ \\ If erotic romance were actively harmful, you would expect to see consistent, peer-reviewed findings linking it to decreased relationship satisfaction or dysfunction.\\ \\ That research does NOT exist.\\ \\ Instead, what we have are cultural assumptions. Critics often rely on anecdotal claims or borrow concerns from adjacent research on pornography. Even in those areas, findings are mixed and shaped by context, communication, and individual biases.\\ \\ Romance novels, specifically, remain largely unstudied in terms of harm. That absence matters. In research, lack of evidence is not proof of harm. It signals that a claim has not been demonstrated.\\ \\ **What the Research Actually Shows About Reading and Sexual Health**\\ \\ When researchers have studied reading in the context of sexual functioning, the results point in a different direction.\\ \\ Bibliotherapy, the use of reading as a therapeutic tool, is already an established intervention in psychology. It is low-cost, accessible, and often used in sexual health treatment.\\ \\ In a controlled study published in _Sexual and Relationship Therapy_, researchers compared erotic fiction to sexual self-help reading for women experiencing low desire. Both groups showed measurable improvement.\\ \\ Participants experienced “statistically significant gains” in desire, arousal, satisfaction, orgasm, and overall sexual functioning.\\ \\ The findings weren't short-lived. Follow-up data showed that improvements were maintained over time, including increases in satisfaction and reductions in pain. \\ \\ Another study on bibliotherapy found that women who engaged in structured reading interventions showed “greater gains over time” in sexual desire, arousal, and satisfaction compared to control groups. \\ \\ This isn't fringe research. It reflects a growing body of work showing that reading, including erotic material, can function as a legitimate intervention for sexual concerns.\\ \\ **Erotic Fiction Is Already Used in Clinical Practice**\\ \\ Therapists have been using erotic material for decades as part of treatment. I’ve been using it since I started private practice.\\ \\ In fact, clinical literature notes that when addressing low sexual desire, “a significant number of clinicians include exercises designed to stimulate the erotic imagination,” often through reading. And in real therapy spaces, I have on occasion recommended a round or two of solo or partnered sex to my clients as “homework”.\\ \\ That detail matters, not the homework, the other parts.\\ \\ Erotic romance is not an outlier behavior that needs to be corrected. It's a tool already embedded in evidence-based approaches to sexual health.\\ \\ **Why This Works, From a Therapy Lens**\\ \\ When you look at this through a clinical framework, the benefits make sense.\\ \\ Reading erotic romance creates space for exploration without pressure. It allows you to engage with desire privately, at your own pace, without performance anxiety.\\ \\ It also gives language to something many people were never taught how to articulate.\\ \\ Sexual script theory explains that people learn what sex is supposed to look like through narratives. For many, those narratives are limited, shame-based, or nonexistent. Erotic romance expands that range.\\ \\ It introduces variation. It models communication. It normalizes desire.\\ \\ For clients who struggle with shame, this matters. Shame reduction is strongly linked to improved sexual satisfaction and relational connection.\\ \\ Reading also supports what therapists call arousal literacy. It helps people recognize what they respond to, what they enjoy, and what they want to communicate to a partner.\\ \\ That kind of clarity strengthens relationships. It doesn’t weaken them.\\ \\ **The Relationship Impact Is Often Positive**\\ \\ The idea that erotic romance replaces real connection misinterprets how desire works.\\ \\ Desire isn’t diminished by imagination. It’s often activated by it.\\ \\ Research shows that sexual well-being is tied to overall relationship satisfaction. When desire, communication, and comfort increase, relationships tend to improve alongside them. \\ \\ Erotic reading supports that process in practical ways:\\ \\ It gives couples something to talk about. It provides a shared reference point for fantasies and preferences. It reduces avoidance around sexual topics. It encourages curiosity rather than routine.\\ \\ These are all markers of healthier relational dynamics, not signs of damage.\\ \\ **So, Why Does the Panic Persist?**\\ \\ The backlash against romance, especially romance written for and consumed by women, is not new.\\ \\ Media that centers female desire often gets framed as excessive, unrealistic, or dangerous. The same concerns rarely appear with male-centered sexual media in the same way.\\ \\ There’s also discomfort with the distinction between fantasy and expectation. Reading about something doesn’t mean demanding it in real life. People engage with fiction across genres without assuming it sets a standard for their lived experience. I mean, we aren’t jacking off minotaurs in real life, nor do any of us actually want to.\\ \\ No one argues that crime novels create criminals. Romance, however, is treated differently.\\ \\ That difference isn't rooted in evidence. It’s rooted in misogyny, patriarchy, and white supremacy.\\ \\ **What Actually Harms Relationships?**\\ \\ In therapy, the drivers of relationship strain are consistent.\\ \\ - Communication breakdown.\\ \\ - Unresolved conflict.\\ \\ - Avoidance.\\ \\ - Shame.\\ \\ - Trauma.\\ \\ \\ Reading habits rarely show up on that list.\\ \\ More often, reading becomes a resource. It helps clients reconnect with desire, understand themselves, and approach conversations with more clarity.\\ \\ Erotic romance is not a threat to relationships. It is a tool. Like any tool, its impact depends on how it is used.\\ \\ When approached with reflection, curiosity, and communication, it supports self-exploration and relational growth.\\ \\ The research doesn't support the claim that it causes harm.\\ \\ It does suggest that, for many people, it does the opposite.\\ \\ Upgrade for $5 or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/0yRNV47jZUUGI1gwVPXo/) [People need to stop claiming romance novels are ruining relationships](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/0yRNV47jZUUGI1gwVPXo/) * * * [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 4](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Poll:\\ \\ When should we meet?\\ \\ \\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/aFOhEVkkMQTqqfxpZz19/) [April Book Club Pick](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/aFOhEVkkMQTqqfxpZz19/) * * * 3 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 3](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [I am writing this as a queer therapist who specializes in religious trauma and cult recovery. I sit with people who are trying to rebuild a sense of self after systems tried to erase them.\\ \\ This is not abstract for me. It shows up in sessions every week. It shows up in how people speak about themselves, how they regulate their emotions, and how safe they feel existing in their own bodies. I, myself am a queer person who is still recovering from a high control religion I have been out of for many years now.\\ \\ So I want to be clear. What is happening in the courts right now has direct psychological consequences.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****The Supreme Court Ruling and What It Means**** \\ \\ On March 31, the Supreme Court issued an 8 to 1 decision in Chiles v. Salazar.\\ \\ This case challenged a Colorado law that banned licensed mental health professionals from engaging in conversion practices with minors.\\ \\ The Court held that these bans raise serious First Amendment concerns related to therapist speech. In practice, this opens the door for limits on a state’s ability to prohibit these practices.\\ \\ Here is the impact. If states cannot regulate this, licensed providers gain more protection to engage in practices that major medical and mental health organizations have already identified as harmful. There were NO mental health professionals consulted in this ruling. \\ \\ This shifts protection away from vulnerable clients and toward those in positions of power.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****Naming the Practice for What It Is**** \\ \\ The term “conversion therapy” suggests treatment.\\ \\ That is inaccurate.\\ \\ This is conversion abuse.\\ \\ This is coercive identity suppression.\\ \\ These practices attempt to change or suppress a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity through authority, shame, and fear.\\ \\ From a clinical perspective, the structure is clear.\\ \\ There is a power imbalance.\\ \\ There is coercion.\\ \\ There is removal of autonomy.\\ \\ That meets the definition of abuse.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****What the Data Shows**** \\ \\ The harm is well documented.\\ \\ Research supported by the NIH and large national studies on LGBTQ youth show consistent outcomes.\\ \\ - LGBTQ youth exposed to conversion efforts are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to those who are not exposed.\\ \\ - One large study found about 28% of youth exposed to these practices reported a suicide attempt, compared to around 12% who were not exposed.\\ \\ - Exposure before age 18 is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, severe psychological distress, and long term trauma symptoms.\\ \\ \\ These findings repeat across studies.\\ \\ This is not a question of belief. This is a question of measurable harm.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****What I See in the Therapy Room**** \\ \\ People who have experienced conversion abuse do not come in confused about who they are.\\ \\ They come in after being told who they are is wrong.\\ \\ They present with:\\ \\ - chronic shame\\ \\ - dissociation\\ \\ - hypervigilance\\ \\ - fear tied to identity expression\\ \\ - difficulty trusting their own thoughts and feelings\\ \\ \\ Many folks have learned to disconnect from themselves in order to stay safe in environments where authenticity historically led to punishment.\\ \\ That is not identity exploration.\\ \\ That is trauma adaptation.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****The Link to Religious Trauma and High-Control Systems**** \\ \\ Conversion abuse often exists within high-control environments.\\ \\ The patterns are consistent with what we see in religious trauma and cult dynamics:\\ \\ - authority defines identity\\ \\ - questioning is punished\\ \\ - fear is used to enforce compliance\\ \\ - belonging is conditional\\ \\ \\ When identity becomes something controlled by an external authority, the nervous system shifts into survival mode.\\ \\ People suppress parts of themselves to avoid rejection, harm, or abandonment.\\ \\ That suppression does not resolve distress. It internalizes it.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****Book Bans and the Removal of Representation**** \\ \\ At the same time, there is a growing push to remove books with queer and trans representation from schools and libraries.\\ \\ This is not separate from what is happening in the courts.\\ \\ Representation serves a critical psychological function.\\ \\ It provides language.\\ \\ It reduces isolation.\\ \\ It supports identity development.\\ \\ When you remove representation, you remove access to self-understanding. I use literature in the therapy space constantly to support my clients and to give them something they can see themselves in, and see someone like them flourishing and thriving.\\ \\ A young person who cannot see themselves reflected anywhere is more likely to internalize shame and accept narratives that frame them as wrong.\\ \\ That increases vulnerability to coercive systems, including conversion abuse.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****The Ethical Responsibility of Therapists**** \\ \\ As a licensed clinical social worker, I am bound by the NASW Code of Ethics.\\ \\ Three principles are central here:\\ \\ - self determination\\ \\ - nonmaleficence\\ \\ - dignity and worth of the person\\ \\ \\ Conversion abuse violates all three.\\ \\ A client cannot exercise self determination if their identity is treated as something to change.\\ \\ A provider violates nonmaleficence when engaging in practices known to increase suicide risk and psychological distress.\\ \\ Dignity is undermined when identity is framed as disordered or immoral.\\ \\ This is not an ethical gray area within the profession.\\ \\ I am beyond livid as I type this thinking about the catastrophic impacts of this ruling.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****The Larger Pattern**** \\ \\ When you look at these issues together, a pattern emerges.\\ \\ Limit access to affirming information.\\ \\ Remove representation.\\ \\ Frame identity as dangerous or immoral.\\ \\ Protect systems that enforce conformity.\\ \\ This is how erasure operates.\\ \\ It does not begin with identity disappearing.\\ \\ It begins with making identity unsafe to acknowledge.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****The Psychological Impact Right Now**** \\ \\ When your existence becomes a topic of legal debate, your nervous system responds.\\ \\ I am seeing increases in:\\ \\ - anxiety and hypervigilance\\ \\ - emotional shutdown\\ \\ - identity suppression driven by fear\\ \\ - internalized stigma\\ \\ \\ These responses are not exaggerated. They are adaptive responses to perceived threat.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****What Ethical, Affirming Care Looks Like**** \\ \\ Affirming therapy does not attempt to direct identity.\\ \\ It supports you in understanding yourself.\\ \\ It focuses on:\\ \\ - restoring autonomy\\ \\ - rebuilding trust in your internal experience\\ \\ - processing trauma without reinforcing shame\\ \\ \\ No ethical framework supports attempting to change a person’s core identity.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****What Needs to Happen**** \\ \\ At the policy level:\\ \\ States need the ability to ban conversion abuse and protect minors from these practices.\\ \\ At the professional level:\\ \\ Mental health providers must adhere to ethical standards and refuse to legitimize harmful practices.\\ \\ At the community level:\\ \\ Access to queer and trans representation must remain protected.\\ \\ Support for queer-led organizations needs to increase.\\ \\ At the individual level:\\ \\ Seek affirming care.\\ \\ Build supportive networks.\\ \\ Stay informed about policy changes that impact your safety.\\ \\ * * *\\ \\ ****Refusing Erasure**** \\ \\ This is not about competing beliefs.\\ \\ This is about whether systems are allowed to override a person’s identity under the label of care.\\ \\ Queer and trans identities are not conditions.\\ \\ They are not symptoms.\\ \\ They are not problems to solve.\\ \\ The harm comes from systems that insist they are.](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/BNyVbQiSJDC0vRYaTsiK/) [When the State Protects Harm: A Therapist’s Perspective on Conversion Abuse, the Supreme Court, and Queer Erasure](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/BNyVbQiSJDC0vRYaTsiK/) * * * 1 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 2](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [I’ve talked about this before, but I’m going to talk about it again. Why do so many readers stay inside the same loop of recommendations?\\ \\ When you engage with one popular sapphic book, platforms feed you ten more that look the same. You are not choosing from the full landscape. You are choosing from a narrow slice shaped by engagement data.\\ \\ When thousands of readers praise the same books, you feel more confident picking them up. That reduces risk, but it also limits discovery. You miss quieter releases, indie authors, and genre crossovers that do not get mass attention.\\ \\ Recommendation culture favors speed over depth. People ask for “good sapphic books” and get the same five answers. Few readers ask for what kind of sapphic story they want. Few reviewers explain why a book worked or did not work beyond surface-level reactions.\\ \\ If you want a richer reading life, you have to push outside that loop on purpose.\\ \\ Here are six sapphic books that move beyond the usual rotation, with what they offer and where they fall short.\\ \\ **Revel by Bryce Oakley 4 stars**\\ \\ A beachside wedding brings a friend group back together. A reservation mix-up leaves Isla and Freya sharing a single bed, and years of friendship shift into something else.\\ \\ This novella closes out the Kaleidoscope series with focus and intention. The tension between Isla and Freya carries the story. You feel the weight of their history in every interaction. The pacing is tight because of the length, but the emotional payoff lands. This works as a final note to a series that understands its characters.\\ \\ **The Oblivion Bride by Caitlin Starling 4 stars**\\ \\ Lorelei inherits her family’s legacy after a wave of mysterious deaths. Her uncle marries her off to Nephele, a war alchemist tasked with saving her life. What starts as strategy turns into something personal as they confront a spreading magical threat.\\ \\ This book leans into intensity. The arranged marriage, the age gap, and the possessiveness all build a charged dynamic between Lorelei and Nephele. The world blends technology and magic in a way that keeps you engaged, even when the rules are not fully explained. The romance carries the story. The ending felt a little rushed, and some plot elements lost clarity, but the emotional core remained strong.\\ \\ **Anywhere You Go by Bridget Morrissey 5 stars**\\ \\ A small-town waitress and a high-powered press agent swap homes after their lives fall apart. Each woman finds unexpected connections and direction in the other’s world. If The Holiday were sapphic this is it.\\ \\ This is a dual romance that succeeds on both sides. Eleanor and Carson bring emotional depth and directness. Tatum and June offer slow, patient longing and all the sapphic yearning. The structure keeps you invested because you want both outcomes. The characters feel grounded, and the relationships develop with care. This is a romcom that earns its emotional impact.\\ \\ **Cowboys and Kisses by Karin Kallmaker 4.5 stars**\\ \\ Darlin’ survives in a Wyoming town with limited options and fewer protections as a sex worker in a brothel. Years later, she faces the possibility of love and a life beyond survival with the pastor's sister.\\ \\ This story does not soften its setting. You feel the pressure of a world where women without protection face constant risk. The first-person voice captures both youth and endurance. The romance offers relief without ignoring the cost of getting there. The ending offers hope, balancing the harshness of the journey.\\ \\ **Strange Beasts by Susan J. Morris 5 stars**\\ \\ Samantha Harker investigates supernatural murders in early twentieth-century Paris alongside Helena Moriarty (The daughter of Dracula's killer and Sherlock Holmes villain Moriarty). Their partnership grows under pressure as they track a killer.\\ \\ This book blends gothic horror, mystery, and feminist themes. The atmosphere is consistent and immersive. Sam’s internal conflict around her abilities adds tension to every scene. The chemistry between Sam and Hel is built through distrust and necessity. The pacing drives the story forward, and the world invites further exploration. This stands out for its scope and ambition. There was more emphasis on the mystery than anything else.\\ \\ **Single Player by Tara Tai**\\ \\ Two game developers clash over whether their project needs romance. Professional tension shifts into something more as they confront external threats and internal defenses.\\ \\ Cat’s early characterization feels exaggerated, and some choices seem unbelievable. As the story progresses, both leads gain depth, and their shared passion for gaming grounds the narrative. The identity elements lack development and feel thrown in for diversity's sake rather than cultural impact. The book works best as a light, character-driven read rather than a deep exploration of representation.\\ \\ **What this list shows**\\ \\ When you step outside the usual recommendations, you find range. You find sci-fi horror with obsessive romance. You find historical grit. You find dual love stories that balance each other. You find gothic mysteries with feminist stakes.\\ \\ If you keep reading the same five authors, you miss this range.\\ \\ **A better approach to recommendations**\\ \\ Ask for specifics. Do you want slow burn or immediate tension? Do you want plot-heavy or character-driven? Do you want soft romance or morally complex dynamics?\\ \\ Track your own reactions. Notice what holds your attention and what pulls you out of a story.\\ \\ Read across subgenres. Contemporary, fantasy, horror, historical. Each one expands the possibilities of sapphic storytelling.\\ \\ Support smaller titles. Many of the most interesting books do not trend. You have to look for them. I had never heard of Karin Killmaker until I was rummaging through "available now" titles on Libby.\\ \\ Your reading life grows when you stop relying on the same loop and start choosing with intention.\\ \\ I'm hoping to be back more often with short recs like this or round ups like what can be found on my instagram but with more explanation and intention.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/79TgNNbWwlGj4hhyRXyh/) [The last six sapphic books I've read](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/79TgNNbWwlGj4hhyRXyh/) * * * 6 books 1 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Apr 1](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) \\ \\ Ok fam, here are the new releases for April, below are the ones I've been notified about since posting this:\\ \\ \\ \\ Ok since posting I've been made aware of:\\ \\ Bleed Blue by Moxie St. Henry coming out on 4/6\\ \\ Queenslander by Laura Garden coming out on 4/21\\ \\ If I'me made aware of any more I'll update y'all! Tell me in the comments what you are most excited for!\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/Gxq56QLDaxKOPRM6Ckrp/) [April Sapphic New Releases](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/Gxq56QLDaxKOPRM6Ckrp/) * * * 4 books [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 20](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Disabled sapphic people exist. You know this, I know this, but sometimes it feels like the greater book community does not, in fact, know this. We love, date, build relationships, and navigate intimacy in ways that deserve space on the page.\\ \\ Romance as a genre has not always made room for our stories.\\ \\ Many books still center on able-bodied characters. And while there is nothing wrong with that, when disability _does_ appear, it often shows up as something to fix, overcome, or use as emotional motivation for another character. Disabled characters become symbols instead of people.\\ \\ I'd love to see the focus shift to something different.\\ \\ Stories where disabled sapphic main characters hold agency, desire, complexity, and full lives. Stories where disability shapes the relationship without reducing the character to it.\\ \\ Moving beyond harmful tropes\\ \\ A few patterns show up again and again in romance.\\ \\ The cure narrative treats disability as a temporary obstacle. By the end of the story, the character improves or is “fixed,” often through love. The way I wish love could cure my chronic illness or disability.\\ \\ The inspiration narrative turns disabled characters into lessons for others. Our role centers on teaching resilience rather than living a full life.\\ \\ The caregiver dynamic creates an imbalance. One partner exists to provide care, while the other becomes dependent in ways that remove autonomy.\\ \\ Desexualization appears often. Y'all disabled people FUCK. Disabled characters rarely receive the same level of desire, attraction, or explicit intimacy as able-bodied characters.\\ \\ These patterns limit storytelling. They flatten characters and reinforce harmful assumptions about disability and worth.\\ \\ Stronger stories move in a different direction.\\ \\ They allow disabled characters to want things. To make decisions. To be messy. To experience joy, frustration, attraction, and connection without being reduced to a single trait.\\ \\ **Disability and autonomy**\\ \\ Autonomy should sit at the center of disabled sapphic romance.\\ \\ Seeing characters navigate questions around independence, support, and control over their own lives. These questions can shape how relationships develop.\\ \\ A partner may offer help. The key question involves how that help gets negotiated.\\ \\ Does the disabled character maintain control over decisions?\\ \\ Do they set boundaries around what support looks like?\\ \\ Does the relationship respect their independence rather than override it?\\ \\ Good romance pays attention to these dynamics.\\ \\ Support does not mean taking over. Care does not mean removing agency. The relationship works because both people respect each other’s boundaries and needs.\\ \\ For readers, this often leads to more grounded and intentional relationship development.\\ \\ **Disability and intimacy**\\ \\ Romance often relies on narrow ideas about intimacy. Fast pacing. Physical attraction that follows predictable patterns. Assumptions about what bodies should do and how.\\ \\ Disabled sapphic romance can and should challenge those assumptions.\\ \\ Intimacy becomes more intentional. Characters communicate clearly about needs, comfort, and limits, and tbh this isn't any different than how it should be with able-bodied characters either. Physical connection may look different from mainstream portrayals.\\ \\ Some stories focus on slower pacing. Others show adaptive approaches to physical intimacy. Many highlight emotional connection as central rather than secondary.\\ \\ These shifts do not reduce the romance. They deepen it.\\ \\ Desire remains present. Attraction remains central. The difference lies in how characters express and negotiate that connection.\\ \\ **The role of communication**\\ \\ Communication carries more weight in these stories.\\ \\ Characters talk about access needs. They discuss boundaries. They name what works and what does not.\\ \\ This creates a different type of romantic tension. Instead of relying on miscommunication or avoidance, these stories often build connection through honesty.\\ \\ Vulnerability becomes part of the relationship from the beginning.\\ \\ Readers get to watch two people learn how to understand each other in real time. That process often leads to a stronger emotional payoff.\\ \\ **Intersectionality matters**\\ \\ Disability does not exist in isolation.\\ \\ Race, class, gender identity, and culture shape how disability gets experienced. Access to care, community support, and safety vary widely depending on those factors.\\ \\ A disabled sapphic character who is also a person of color will navigate different challenges than a white disabled character. A working-class character will face different barriers than someone with financial stability.\\ \\ Stories that acknowledge these layers feel more grounded.\\ \\ They show how systems intersect. They also show how community, culture, and identity shape relationships in complex ways.\\ \\ **What meaningful representation looks like**\\ \\ Readers often ask how to identify strong representation.\\ \\ Look for characters with full inner lives. They have goals, fears, desires, and flaws that extend beyond their disability.\\ \\ Look for relationships built on mutual respect. Both partners hold agency. Both contribute to the relationship in meaningful ways.\\ \\ Look for stories where disability exists as part of the character’s life, not the entire story.\\ \\ Look for joy. Disabled characters deserve happiness, pleasure, and connection without the narrative framing those experiences as rare or surprising.\\ \\ When possible, look for authors with lived experience. That perspective often leads to more nuanced and grounded storytelling.\\ \\ **Where to find these stories**\\ \\ Disabled sapphic protagonists appear across genres.\\ \\ Contemporary romance often explores chronic illness, mental health, and day-to-day access needs.\\ \\ Fantasy and science fiction create space to imagine different bodies, different abilities, and different systems of care.\\ \\ Historical fiction can explore how disability was understood and navigated in earlier periods.\\ \\ Speculative fiction often pushes these questions even further, asking how societies might function if access and care looked different from the start.\\ \\ **An invitation to read with intention**\\ \\ Disabled sapphic romance expands how we understand love.\\ \\ It shows relationships built through communication, respect, and adaptation. It challenges narrow ideas about desirability and intimacy. It reminds readers that care and autonomy can exist together.\\ \\ These stories deserve attention.\\ \\ If you have read a disabled sapphic romance that stayed with you, share it. If you want to see more of these stories, talk about them. Recommend them. Support the authors writing them.\\ \\ What you read and what you share shapes what gets visibility.\\ \\ And these stories deserve to be seen.\\ \\ Here are a list of a handful of sapphic stories that I have read and enjoyed, and some on my TBR!\\ \\ The Unbroken by C.L. Clark\\ \\ Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant\\ \\ The Never Tilting World by Rin Chupeco\\ \\ Thirsty by Jas Hammonds\\ \\ Treasure by Rebekah Weatherspoon\\ \\ Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner\\ \\ Nine of Swords, Reversed by Xan West\\ \\ Ascension by Jacqueline Koyanagi\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/kszEY45ZtNeAz34gS1RF/) [Disabled Sapphic Protagonists in Romance](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/kszEY45ZtNeAz34gS1RF/) * * * 8 books [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 17](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [I just saw a post on threads that got me so riled I had to come here to write about it. Meryl Wilsner posed a question: **Queer folks, what’s something romance books and/or romance fans do that alienates you as a queer person?** To which someone responded: **Refusing to read M/F sapphic stories.** And of course you know me, so I had to respond. I said: **This is not a thing. The story can have a sapphic character but if both aren’t sapphic, it’s not a sapphic story. Words have meaning.** And she respectfully disagreed.\\ \\ You cannot disagree on facts. They aren't up for debate; words have definitions.\\ \\ Words carry meaning. Language holds culture, history, and boundaries. When meaning dissolves, the people behind those words lose ground.\\ \\ Sapphic describes women (and women-aligned/nonbinary people) who love women, et al. The word traces back to Sappho and the island of Lesbos, to poetry about women loving women, to centuries of writing, and to a community built by women who loved other women. The definition sits in plain language. Open a dictionary. The entry reads women loving women.\\ \\ This idea that words shift to accommodate anyone who feels drawn to them ignores the purpose of language. Words describe reality. Words protect communities. Words create shared understanding. When every label stretches to include anyone who asks, the label stops describing anything at all.\\ \\ Sapphic spaces exist because women et al., who love women, carved out room for themselves. They built culture, art, literature, relationships, and political organizing around their lives. Those spaces did not appear by accident. Women et al. created them because the wider world ignored, mocked, or punished them.\\ \\ So when someone claims the word sapphic while identifying as a man, the anger bubbles over for a reason. The word centers women. A male identity contradicts the definition. This does not erase anyone’s identity. Many labels exist for different experiences. Language already holds terms for queer men, bisexual men, and other identities. The problem begins when male identity pushes into language created for women and demands recognition there.\\ \\ And this problem shows up in books in a way that hits hard.\\ \\ When authors within the community start calling M/F stories' sapphic,' the damage spreads fast. Readers rely on labels to find themselves on the page. A sapphic tag signals safety, recognition, shared experience. It tells a reader that the relationship centers women. When that label is applied to a story about a man, it breaks trust.\\ \\ You search for yourself, only to be handed something else.\\ \\ You expect to see women loving women and instead watch a man take up space in a narrative that was supposed to belong to women. That disconnect is not small. It erases visibility. It muddies representation. It pushes actual sapphic stories further into the background. This doesn’t mean that M/F stories aren’t queer, or that if the woman is bi/pan that she herself isn’t sapphic, it DOES mean that the story itself isn’t sapphic.\\ \\ **Publishing already sidelines sapphic authors.** _Algorithms bury them._ Marketing budgets skip them. **Shelf space shrinks for them.** When M/F books start taking up the sapphic label, those limited slots get filled by stories that don’t even center sapphic relationships. That is displacement.\\ \\ And it also rewrites what sapphic means in the public eye. New readers learn from what they see marketed. If M/F stories get labeled sapphic, then the definition shifts in practice, even if the dictionary stays the same. Over time, the word loses its anchor. The community loses a clear way to name itself.\\ \\ That erosion carries real impact. Fewer accurate stories reach readers. Fewer authors get visibility. The culture that women built for themselves gets diluted until it barely resembles its origin.\\ \\ And yes, anger fits here. Feminine rage grows from exhaustion, even from me, a nonbinary person. Women fight for scraps of space and language while the world asks them to step aside again, **even inside their own communities.**\\ \\ Another question arises in the middle of this conversation. Why the desire to enter every label built for women? Why the insistence on standing inside every space women create? Why the expectation that women must widen every boundary? Because … men.\\ \\ The truth is simple. Women deserve words that describe their lives. Women who love women deserve language rooted in their experience.\\ \\ Men cannot be sapphic. M/F stories are not sapphic. Not because exclusion feels good. Because words hold meaning. Because language describes reality. Because readers deserve honesty. And because women deserve at least a few words in this world that belong to them.\\ \\ Words carry meaning. Language holds culture, history, and boundaries. When meaning dissolves, the people behind those words lose ground.\\ \\ Sapphic describes women (and women aligned/non-binary people) who love women (et al.). The word traces back to Sappho and the island of Lesbos, poetry about women loving women, centuries of writing and community built by women who loved other women. The definition sits in plain language. Open a dictionary. The entry reads relating to sexual attraction or activity between women. Has the definition of women expanded, yes, but NOT TO MEN\\ \\ This idea that words shift to accommodate anyone who feels drawn to them ignores the purpose of language. Words describe reality. Words protect communities. Words create shared understanding. When every label stretches to include anyone who asks, the label stops describing anything at all.\\ \\ Sapphic spaces exist because women who love women carved out room for themselves. They built culture, art, literature, relationships, and political organizing around their lives. Those spaces did not appear by accident. Women created them because the wider world ignored, mocked, or punished them.\\ \\ So when someone claims the word sapphic while identifying as a man, or says that a male/female relationship can be sapphic, rage spews from me for a reason. The word centers women et al. A male identity contradicts the definition. This does not erase anyone’s identity. Many labels exist for different experiences. Language already holds terms for queer men, bisexual men, and other identities. The problem begins when male identity pushes into language created for women and demands recognition there.\\ \\ Women et al. spend their lives pushed out of space. Workplaces, politics, art, history, medicine. Now even language built by women for women faces pressure to expand until the original meaning disappears. That pressure fuels a burning rage in so many of us, I know I'm not alone.\\ \\ And yes, rage fits here. Feminine rage grows from exhaustion. Women fight for scraps of space and language while the world asks them to step aside again.\\ \\ Another question arises in the middle of this conversation. Why do men, and some women who want to include men in the term sapphic, want to enter every label built for women? Why the insistence on standing inside every space women create? Why the expectation that women should widen every boundary? I'll tell you ... men.\\ \\ Women deserve words that describe their lives. Women who love women deserve language rooted in their experience.\\ \\ Men cannot be sapphic. Not because exclusion feels good. Because words hold meaning. Because language describes reality. Because the dictionary is free for anyone willing to open it. And because women deserve at least a few words in this world that belong to them.\\ \\ I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/5vaifkGlz2Yr2Hyjy7qM/) [Can men be sapphic? One author thinks yes.](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/5vaifkGlz2Yr2Hyjy7qM/) * * * 7 [2](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/5vaifkGlz2Yr2Hyjy7qM/#comments) [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 16](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Sapphic Speculative Fiction Expands the Imagination\\ \\ Many people approach queer romance through familiar frameworks. Modern settings. Recognizable social rules. Families that resemble the structures most of us grew up around. I wrote about this a week or two ago, about looking beyond contemporary romance for great sapphic stories.\\ \\ Those stories matter. They reflect lived experience and present-day struggles.\\ \\ Yet some of the most thought-provoking sapphic stories appear in places where the rules look completely different.\\ \\ Speculative fiction offers writers a simple but radical tool. The ability to ask what happens when the world operates under different assumptions?\\ \\ What happens when gender does not function the way our societies expect?\\ \\ What happens when colonial hierarchies collapse or never existed in the first place?\\ \\ What happens when family and community follow different structures?\\ \\ **Sapphic speculative fiction thrives in these questions.**\\ \\ What counts as speculative fiction?\\ \\ Speculative fiction serves as an umbrella term for stories that imagine worlds different from our own.\\ \\ Fantasy explores magic, mythology, and alternate societies.\\ \\ Science fiction looks at future technology, space exploration, and evolving social systems.\\ \\ Alternate history reimagines historical timelines.\\ \\ Dystopian and utopian fiction examine political systems taken to extreme outcomes.\\ \\ Magical realism blends ordinary life with elements that challenge reality.\\ \\ All of these genres share a common feature. They build worlds where the assumptions we treat as natural begin to shift.\\ \\ When those foundations move, storytelling changes.\\ \\ **Reimagining gender systems**\\ \\ Many speculative worlds question the rigid gender frameworks common in contemporary culture.\\ \\ Some settings include fluid understandings of gender. Others remove the strict gender hierarchy. Some societies organize identity through entirely different categories.\\ \\ When gender works differently, relationships evolve as well.\\ \\ Characters express attraction without the scripts that dominate many romance narratives. Partnerships develop around compatibility, trust, or shared goals rather than predetermined roles.\\ \\ For readers, this shift opens new ways of thinking about identity and connection.\\ \\ **Challenging colonial power structures**\\ \\ Speculative fiction often explores empire, conquest, and resistance.\\ \\ Many worlds center characters fighting against oppressive systems or rebuilding communities after political collapse. Some stories draw inspiration from Indigenous traditions or non-Western perspectives to imagine societies structured around different values.\\ \\ Within these settings, sapphic characters frequently appear as leaders, rebels, scholars, or explorers. Their relationships unfold inside larger struggles over power, survival, and cultural memory.\\ \\ Love does not exist in isolation. It grows alongside questions about justice, resistance, and the future of entire communities.\\ \\ **Rethinking family and community**\\ \\ Another striking feature of speculative fiction involves how stories approach family.\\ \\ The nuclear family model rarely stands as the only option. Characters often live within chosen families, cooperative communities, traveling crews, or political alliances.\\ \\ Romantic relationships exist inside these broader networks of care.\\ \\ Two people falling in love may also share responsibilities to their crew, their village, or their resistance movement. Partnership becomes part of a wider web of loyalty and support.\\ \\ For many readers, this structure feels both imaginative and deeply familiar.\\ \\ Common tropes in sapphic speculative fiction\\ \\ Speculative fiction combines romance with adventure and conflict. Certain narrative patterns recur.\\ \\ A princess guarded by a loyal warrior or knight who begins to question her duty.\\ \\ Rival soldiers from opposing factions are forced to work together.\\ \\ A scholar and a fighter navigating a dangerous quest.\\ \\ Political enemies are forming uneasy alliances during a rebellion.\\ \\ Explorers encounter unfamiliar worlds and build trust through survival.\\ \\ These tropes create tension, intimacy, and emotional growth while the larger story unfolds.\\ \\ **Why these stories expand the imagination**\\ \\ Speculative fiction does more than entertain. It shifts perspective.\\ \\ When readers step into worlds built on different assumptions, the systems shaping their own lives become visible. Gender roles, political hierarchies, and family structures reveal themselves as historical constructs rather than permanent truths.\\ \\ Sapphic speculative fiction takes this imaginative shift even further.\\ \\ Queer women appear not as side characters but as central figures in the story of the world itself. They lead revolutions. Build communities. Explore unknown territories. Fall in love while reshaping the societies around them.\\ \\ These stories ask readers to imagine something larger than representation.\\ \\ They ask us to imagine entirely different ways people live together.\\ \\ An invitation to explore\\ \\ If you have not spent time with sapphic speculative fiction, consider this an invitation.\\ \\ Explore fantasy worlds where magic reshapes power.\\ \\ Read science fiction that questions identity in future societies.\\ \\ Look for stories where love grows alongside resistance, exploration, and discovery.\\ \\ These books stretch the imagination in ways that linger long after the final page.\\ \\ I am especially interested in reading more sapphic speculative fiction this year.\\ \\ Which books expanded your worldview?\\ \\ Which stories stayed with you long after you finished them?\\ \\ Here is a list of books I've read and books on my TBR!\\ \\ \\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/dC3Z6zlKg411NPzu2Wgr/) [Worlds Where Sapphic Stories Rewrite the Rules](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/dC3Z6zlKg411NPzu2Wgr/) * * * 26 books 3 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 14](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Poll:\\ \\ Are you participating in the trans rights read-a-thon?\\ \\ Ok folks, a little late, but better late than never. I'm participating in the trans rights read-a-thon this week and here is a list of 66 sapphic books you can choose from. I'm going to try and read five or six this week depending on time and work schedule!\\ \\ Are you participating?\\ \\ \\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/VHqWHocFl3lCLsjhI7n3/) [66 sapphic books to read for the trans rights read-a-thon](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/VHqWHocFl3lCLsjhI7n3/) * * * 6 [1](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/VHqWHocFl3lCLsjhI7n3/#comments) [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 8](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Book recommendations shape reading culture. A short list of titles moves across social media again and again. The same names appear under every post asking for sapphic romance. You know the list before you open the comments.\\ \\ For a reader who loves sapphic stories, the pattern feels exhausting.\\ \\ When we ask for sapphic book recommendations, the responses flood in, but they are all the same popular trad-published books over and over again. A handful of authors dominate the conversation. Many write great books. Many deserve praise. The problem lies in the repetition. A small circle of names ends up standing in for an entire community.\\ \\ Sapphic romance holds far more than a short list of recommendations.\\ \\ Women and femmes write across genres, identities, and cultural experiences. Black lesbians write stories about joy, and culture. Disabled sapphic authors write romance where access and care sit at the center. Trans women write stories about desire, transformation, and belonging. Indigenous writers explore land, language, and kinship through queer love stories. Immigrant authors write about diaspora, family pressure, and found family.\\ \\ Many readers never hear about those books.\\ \\ Algorithms reward repetition. A recommendation culture built on repetition erases huge sections of the sapphic reading world. The cycle tightens and visibility shrinks.\\ \\ Look at how requests often appear online.\\ \\ Someone asks for a sapphic fantasy. The replies list two or three titles - The Priory of the Orange Tree and The Jasmine Throne. Not that those books aren’t epic, but there are so many more out there. The Curse of the Goddess by C.C. Gonzalez, The Balance of Fate by Raquel Raelynn, or The Fall that Saved Us by Tamara Jeree are three incredible fantasies I never see talked about.\\ \\ Someone asks for a sapphic sports romance. The replies list the same two authors Meryl Wilsner’s Cleat Cute and maybe a YA author or two? What about The Baton Rougue Bayou Series by Aricka Alexander or Love and Sportsball by Meka James, Half Court Shot by Kimani Mae or Summer Breakdown by J.S. Jasper.\\ \\ Someone asks for historical sapphic romance. And all we get are Olivie Waite and Sarah Water’s recommendations. What about That Could Be Enough by Alyssa Cole or A Million to One by Adiba Jaigirdar.\\ \\ Each time you recycle a recommendation, hundreds of other stories remain invisible.\\ \\ Those missing books carry different bodies, different cultures, different kinds of love.\\ \\ Some focus on working class lesbians navigating economic pressure like Make Room for Love by Darcy Laio. Some center queer women of color building community like in the Peach Blossom Series by Karmen Lee. Some explore late in life love between older women like Margin of Error by Rachel Lacy. Some tell stories about trans lesbians finding joy in their bodies. Some focus on femmes who resist narrow beauty standards. Some step outside Western settings. Some challenge the structure of romance itself.\\ \\ When recommendations are narrow, readers lose access to those stories.\\ \\ A wider approach to recommending books shifts the entire reading experience.\\ \\ Start by asking a different question before recommending a title. Instead of asking which book is most popular (because chances are they have already read it), ask which voices rarely appear in the conversation. Search for small press releases. Look at anthologies. Follow reviewers who focus on marginalized sapphic voices.\\ \\ Your recommendation list will change quickly.\\ \\ You’ll go from a list of five repeating titles to a long list of hundreds of stories. Different cultures. Different genres. Different forms of desire. Different visions of queer life.\\ \\ Both you and other readers will benefit from that shift.\\ \\ Someone searching for a sapphic book deserves more than the same three answers. They deserve access to the full range of queer storytelling.\\ \\ Recommending widely changes how communities read.\\ \\ One new recommendation introduces a reader to a writer who rarely receives attention. That reader shares the book with friends. A book club picks it up. Another reader writes a review. The story moves further into the world.\\ \\ Visibility grows through intentional choices.\\ \\ If you love sapphic books, think about your next recommendation. Look past the familiar titles. Search for authors whose stories expand the picture of sapphic life.\\ \\ Your next recommendation might introduce someone to a story they never knew existed.\\ \\ That’s what I try to do here, push readers beyond the books that traditional publishing think are marketable to the stories that deeply shape our community.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/3SY3AxqpZynqDDkjjjGF/) [Stop Recommending the Same Seven Books](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/3SY3AxqpZynqDDkjjjGF/) * * * 11 books 2 [Wanderland Reads\\ \\ Sayer\\ \\ • Mar 5](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/) [Romance readers often treat genres like a set of tidy little boxes. Contemporary romance sits in one place. Fantasy in another. Science fiction in another. Mystery somewhere else. If you walk into most bookstores, those sections all have their own shelves and places in the store.\\ \\ Sapphic romance does not follow those rules.\\ \\ One of the strangest things I hear from readers is this sentence. “I want sapphic romance but I cannot find any good ones.” I hear this from people who read ten or twenty romances a month. At first, I thought the problem involved visibility. Publishing. Marketing. Recommendation algorithms.\\ \\ Then I started looking at reading habits.\\ \\ A lot of readers search for sapphic books only within the contemporary romance category. That search misses a huge portion of what sapphic writers are doing. Many of the most interesting, delicious, beautiful sapphic love stories live inside fantasy, science fiction, historical fiction, mystery, and other genres.\\ \\ So I want to spend some time wandering through those shelves with you.\\ \\ Not as a definitive guide. More like a curious reader poking around and asking questions.\\ \\ **Contemporary sapphic romance**\\ \\ This is the shelf most people check first. Contemporary romance focuses on modern life. Workplaces. cities. small towns. messy families. dating apps. community spaces. awkward first dates. soft domestic moments.\\ \\ Many contemporary sapphic romances center on identity. Coming out. Chosen family. Learning how to communicate needs. Learning how to exist in a world that does not always recognize queer relationships.\\ \\ The setting remains familiar. The emotional stakes stay grounded in everyday life. That familiarity makes the love story feel immediate.\\ \\ You watch two women/femmes try to build something steady while dealing with family expectations, career pressure, and their own emotional baggage. Sometimes the most satisfying stories come from watching people figure out how to care for each other better.\\ \\ I love contemporary romance for this reason. You get to watch people grow. But honestly, it’s my least favorite subgenre of romance. I couldn’t tell you why, but I end of gravitating to fantasy and science fiction more and more these days.\\ \\ **Fantasy sapphic romance**\\ \\ Fantasy takes the rules of this world and throws them out the window.\\ \\ Instead of navigating modern society, characters deal with magic systems, political alliances, ancient curses, rival kingdoms, and magical creatures who probably have opinions about the situation.\\ \\ The love story takes place in a world that operates differently from ours.\\ \\ Fantasy creates room for authors to reshape gender roles, social norms, and power structures. Some worlds hold no rigid expectations about gender or sexuality. We diverge from heteronormative and ciscentric ideologies. Others still contain those systems but allow characters to challenge them directly.\\ \\ You might see princesses falling for rival generals. Court mages quietly falling in love while the kingdom teeters on the edge of collapse. Two warriors on opposite sides of a war slowly realizing they care about each other.\\ \\ The stakes feel large. The feelings still remain deeply human.\\ \\ **Science fiction sapphic romance**\\ \\ Science fiction pushes things even further.\\ \\ Instead of medieval kingdoms, you get starships, distant planets, artificial intelligence, time travel, or societies built around entirely different ideas of family and partnership.\\ \\ Science fiction often asks strange questions about identity.\\ \\ What does gender look like in a society that evolved differently from ours?\\ \\ How do relationships function in a space colony where survival depends on cooperation?\\ \\ What happens when technology changes the body itself?\\ \\ A sapphic love story in that context forces readers to rethink what love even looks like.\\ \\ Sometimes two characters fall in love while exploring alien worlds. Sometimes they meet across timelines. Sometimes they exist in a future where the rules of society look nothing like the ones we inherited.\\ \\ And I find that deeply fascinating.\\ \\ **Historical sapphic romance**\\ \\ Historical romance does something equally important. It looks backward.\\ \\ For a long time, people acted like queer women barely existed in earlier centuries. That claim collapses the moment you start reading historical fiction written by people who actually researched queer history.\\ \\ Queer women existed in every time period. They wrote letters. They formed partnerships. They built quiet communities. They hid. They resisted. They survived.\\ \\ Historical sapphic romance brings those lives into the foreground.\\ \\ You often see secret relationships. Hidden meeting places. Social rules that force characters to move carefully. Sometimes the tension of those restrictions makes the romance even more intense.\\ \\ Two people trying to love each other inside a world designed to prevent exactly that.\\ \\ There is something powerful about reclaiming those stories.\\ \\ Then there is the Bridgerton effect: historical romances that rewrite history to be more accepting. Romances that focus on classism or struggles of living off the land in a wild frontier, rather than on love being forbidden.\\ \\ **Mystery and thriller sapphic romance**\\ \\ Then you have romance that develops while people solve crimes or try to stay alive.\\ \\ Mystery and thriller plots create immediate pressure. Two characters investigate a case together. They share danger. They rely on each other under stressful conditions.\\ \\ Trust develops quickly in situations like that.\\ \\ Detectives who start as reluctant partners. Journalists uncovering corruption together. Investigators who slowly realize their professional partnership has turned into something much more personal.\\ \\ The emotional tension grows right alongside the plot.\\ \\ And honestly, forced proximity during a murder investigation remains one of my favorite romance setups. In my opinion, there aren’t enough of these. I want psychological thrillers with sapphic subplots and women who fall in love with the serial killer they are hunting.\\ \\ **Why this matters**\\ \\ When readers only search for sapphic romance in one genre, they miss most of the field.\\ \\ Sapphic writers tell love stories in every genre imaginable. Some focus on soft domestic intimacy. Others build entire worlds around queer relationships. Others explore history or future societies.\\ \\ Genre shapes how these love stories unfold.\\ \\ Fantasy allows writers to imagine entirely new social systems. Science fiction questions the very structure of identity. Historical fiction recovers erased lives. Mystery places love inside moments of danger and urgency.\\ \\ All of those approaches expand how we think about queer relationships.\\ \\ And frankly, they make reading more fun.\\ \\ **Your turn**\\ \\ I want to hear from you.\\ \\ Which genre holds your favorite sapphic romances?\\ \\ Which genres do you want to explore more this year?\\ \\ What books would you recommend to other readers who want to branch out?\\ \\ I am also asking this question for a practical reason.\\ \\ This year I want to read widely across genres, especially speculative fiction. If you know a sapphic fantasy or science fiction book that rearranged your brain chemistry in the best possible way, please tell me about it.\\ \\ Your recommendation might end up in the next review, the reading challenge, or even a future Sapphic Sunday book club discussion.\\ \\ Next post will include some book recommendations from each of these sub-genres that I have read and loved, and some that are on my TBR.\\ \\ Join for free or login](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/vRonCFrdUYMH2Kele3jw/) [Sapphic Romance Exists in More Than One Shelf](https://wanderlandreads.binderybooks.com/item/vRonCFrdUYMH2Kele3jw/) * * * 2